This blog is a part of Thinking activity assigned by Dilip Barad Sir. This blog post is related with translation studies, like how it will deal with various aspects. So lets begin, before moving further just have a look at this Worksheet assigned, which will help you understand the task more easily.
Faiz’s "Mujh Se Pehli Si Mohabbat Merii Mehboob Na Mngo" Poem
مجھ سے پہلی سی محبت مری محبوب نہ مانگ
میں نے سمجھا تھا کہ تو ہے تو درخشاں ہے حیات
تیرا غم ہے تو غم دہر کا جھگڑا کیا ہے
تیری صورت سے ہے عالم میں بہاروں کو ثبات
تیری آنکھوں کے سوا دنیا میں رکھا کیا ہے
تو جو مل جائے تو تقدیر نگوں ہو جائے
یوں نہ تھا میں نے فقط چاہا تھا یوں ہو جائے
اور بھی دکھ ہیں زمانے میں محبت کے سوا
راحتیں اور بھی ہیں وصل کی راحت کے سوا
ان گنت صدیوں کے تاریک بہیمانہ طلسم
ریشم و اطلس و کمخاب میں بنوائے ہوئے
جا بہ جا بکتے ہوئے کوچہ و بازار میں جسم
خاک میں لتھڑے ہوئے خون میں نہلائے ہوئے
جسم نکلے ہوئے امراض کے تنوروں سے
پیپ بہتی ہوئی گلتے ہوئے ناسوروں سے
لوٹ جاتی ہے ادھر کو بھی نظر کیا کیجے
اب بھی دل کش ہے ترا حسن مگر کیا کیجے
اور بھی دکھ ہیں زمانے میں محبت کے سوا
راحتیں اور بھی ہیں وصل کی راحت کے سوا
مجھ سے پہلی سی محبت مری محبوب نہ مانگ
English version of Faiz's Poem
Do not ask me for that same love, my beloved
I had thought that if I had you, life would be radiant,
Your sorrow would suffice against all the world's woes.
Your beauty gave permanence to the spring,
What is there in the world but your eyes?
If I could have you, fate itself would bow,
But I had only wished it so, it was not truly so.
There are sorrows other than those of love,
Comforts beyond the joy of union.
Countless dark, brutal enchantments of centuries,
Woven into silk, satin, and brocade,
Bodies sold in every street and market,
Drenched in dust, bathed in blood.
Bodies emerging from furnaces of disease,
Oozing pus from their rotting wounds.
Even if my gaze returns to your enchanting beauty,
What can be done, your beauty still entrances the heart.
But there are sorrows other than those of love,
Comforts beyond the joy of union.
Do not ask me for that same love, my beloved.
Hindi Version of the Faiz's poem
मुझसे पहली सी मोहब्बत मेरे महबूब न मांग
मैंने समझा था कि तू है तो चमकती है ज़िंदगी,
तेरा ग़म है तो दुनिया के ग़मों का क्या झगड़ा।
तेरे हुस्न से ही बहारों को क़ायमियत मिली है,
तेरी आँखों के सिवा दुनिया में रखा ही क्या है।
तू जो मिल जाए तो तक़दीर झुक जाए,
पर ऐसा न था, मैंने सिर्फ़ चाहा था कि ऐसा हो।
और भी ग़म हैं ज़माने में मोहब्बत के सिवा,
और भी राहतें हैं मिलन की राहत के सिवा।
अनगिनत सदियों के अंधेरे वहशी जादू,
जो रेशम, साटन और कमख़्वाब में बुने गए।
गली और बाज़ारों में बिकते हुए जिस्म,
धूल में सने हुए, खून में नहाए हुए।
वो जिस्म जो बीमारियों के भट्ठों से निकले,
सड़ते हुए घावों से बहती हुई पीप।
अगर नज़र अब भी तेरी ख़ूबसूरती पर लौटती है,
तो क्या किया जाए, तेरा हुस्न अब भी दिलकश है।
पर और भी ग़म हैं ज़माने में मोहब्बत के सिवा,
और भी राहतें हैं मिलन की राहत के सिवा।
मुझसे पहली सी मोहब्बत मेरे महबूब न मांग।
Analysis of the translalted poem
Personally I found the translation of ChatGpt much more effective and useful. Faiz’s imagery, such as "ریشم و اطلس و کمخاب" (silk, satin, and brocade), carries specific cultural and historical weight, referencing the disparity between luxury and suffering in South Asia's colonial and post-colonial context. Translating these terms while retaining their layered implications was challenging. The terms were retained in their original cultural context with equivalent English words, but explanatory phrases were avoided to maintain poetic fluidity.
Words like "درخشاں" (radiant) and "بہیمانہ طلسم" (savage spells) evoke emotions deeply embedded in the original language. Translating these into exact equivalents is challenging due to their nuanced meaning.
The original Urdu poem has a musical rhythm that is hard to replicate in English without altering the meaning. The translation prioritized meaning and tone over preserving rhyme, ensuring that the emotional core was intact.Slight rephrasing was used to emphasize emotional depth, especially in lines like "There are other sorrows in the world apart from love."
"The Second Coming" in Hindi
चक्र पर चक्र घूमता हुआ,
बाज़ अब अपने बाज़ीगर की आवाज़ नहीं सुन सकता;
चीज़ें बिखर रही हैं; केंद्र अब पकड़ नहीं बना सकता;
सिर्फ़ अराजकता दुनिया पर छा रही है।
खून से लहरें लाल हो चुकी हैं, और हर जगह
निर्दोषता की रस्म डूब चुकी है;
सर्वश्रेष्ठ लोग आत्मविश्वास से वंचित हैं, जबकि सबसे ख़राब
जोश और उग्रता से भरे हुए हैं।
निश्चय ही, कोई रहस्योद्घाटन निकट है;
निश्चय ही, दूसरा आगमन निकट है।
दूसरा आगमन! जैसे ही ये शब्द मेरे होंठों से निकलते हैं,
Spiritus Mundi से एक विशाल छवि
मेरे दृश्य को व्याकुल कर देती है: कहीं रेगिस्तान की रेत में,
एक आकृति, सिंह के शरीर और मनुष्य के सिर वाली,
जिसकी नज़र धूप की तरह निर्जीव और निर्दयी है,
धीरे-धीरे अपनी जांघें घसीट रही है, और उसके चारों ओर
रेगिस्तानी पक्षियों की नाराज़ छायाएँ घूम रही हैं।
अंधकार फिर से गिरता है; पर अब मैं जानता हूँ
कि बीस शताब्दियों की पत्थर जैसी नींद
एक झूलते पालने के कारण दुःस्वप्न में बदल गई थी,
और वह कौन-सा कठोर प्राणी, जिसका समय आख़िरकार आ चुका है,
बेथलहम की ओर जन्म लेने को धीरे-धीरे बढ़ रहा है?
"The Second Coming" in Gujarati Language
વિસ્તૃત વર્તુળમાં ફેરવાતું અને ફરી રહ્યાં છે,
બાજ હવે પોતાના પ્રશિક્ષકને સાંભળી શકતો નથી;
બધી વસ્તુઓ બિસરાઈ રહી છે; કેન્દ્ર હવે રોકાઈ શકતું નથી;
માત્ર અराजકતા જગતમાં મુક્ત થઈ છે.
લોહીથી લાલ થયેલી લહેરો ફાટી છે, અને દરેક જગ્યાએ
નિર્દોષતાના વિધિઓ ડૂબી રહી છે;
સર્વશ્રેષ્ઠ લોકો વિશ્વાસની ખોટ અનુભવેછે, જ્યારે સૌથી ખરાબ
ઉગ્ર અને જુસ્સાથી ભરેલા છે.
ખરેખર, કંઈક પ્રગટ થવાનું છે;
ખરેખર, બીજું આગમન નજીક છે.
બીજું આગમન! આ શબ્દો કહેતા જ
Spiritus Mundiમાંથી આવતી એક વિશાળ છબી
મારા દ્રષ્ટિને વ્યાકુળ કરે છે: ક્યાંક રણની રેતીમાં,
એક આકાર, શેરના શરીર સાથે અને માણસના મસ્તક સાથે,
જેણી નજર સૂર્ય જેવી નિષ્ઠુર અને ખાલી છે,
તે ધીમી ગતિથી પોતાની જાંઘોને ખસેડે છે, અને તેની આસપાસ
રણના કુપિત પક્ષીઓની છાયાઓ ઘૂમે છે.
અંધકાર ફરીથી છવાય છે; પરંતુ હવે મને ખબર છે
કે પથ્થર જેવી ઉંઘના વીસ શતાબ્દીઓ
એક હલાવતા પાળણાથી ડરાવના સ્વપ્નમાં બદલી ગઈ હતી,
અને એ કઈ કર્કશ પ્રાણી છે, જેનો સમય આખરે આવી ગયો છે,
જે બેથલેહમ તરફ જન્મ લેવા ધીરે-ધીરે ખસકે છે?
Analysis of the Translated Poem
Terms like Spiritus Mundi were challenging as they evoke a universal, mystical imagery. Directly translating this phrase risked losing its broader symbolism, so it was retained in its original Latin form. Bethlehem is a culturally significant reference in Christianity. Both translations preserved this reference due to its integral connection to the poem's theme. Yeats's poem employs blank verse with rich imagery. While translating, the focus was more on preserving rhythm and tone rather than forcing rhyme, especially in Gujarati, where the sentence structure differs significantly.Phrases like blood-dimmed tide were translated as રક્ત રંગની છલકતી લહેરો and खून से लहरें लाल हो चुकी हैं to maintain poetic imagery.
Minor adjustments were made to align with the syntactical flow of Gujarati and Hindi while retaining the apocalyptic tone. For instance, slouches towards Bethlehem was adapted as બેથલેહમ તરફ ધીરે ધીરે ચાલી રહ્યું છે and बेथलहम की ओर जन्म लेने को धीरे-धीरे बढ़ रहा है.
Translating Gujarati poem of Akha Bhagat into English
તિલક કરતાં ત્રેપન વહ્યાં
જપમાળાનાં નાકાં ગયાં
તીરથ ફરી ફરી થાક્યા ચર્ણ
તોય ન પહોતા હરિને શરણ
કથા સુણી સુણી ફુટ્યા કાન, અખા
તોય નાવ્યું બ્રહમજ્ઞાન
Wore tilaks and recited mantras countless times,
Visited pilgrimage sites repeatedly, only to grow weary.
Feet traveled far, yet could not reach God's refuge.
Ears wearied from listening to sermons and stories,
Yet, Akha, true knowledge of the divine remains unattained.
Akha Bhgat's Poem into Hindi Language
तिलक किया और माला फेरते-फेरते थक गए,
तीर्थों की यात्रा बार-बार की, लेकिन थकान ही मिली।
पैर चलते रहे, पर भगवान की शरण तक न पहुँच सके।
कथाएँ सुन-सुनकर कान थक गए,
फिर भी, अखा, ब्रह्मज्ञान प्राप्त नहीं हुआ
Analysis of the Translated PoemTilak and Japmala are deeply rooted in Hindu religious practices, which carry spiritual significance. Translating these terms literally might lose their connotations for non-Indian readers unfamiliar with the context. The translations retained these terms untranslated while adding minimal explanations (e.g., "rosary beads") to maintain their cultural weight.
Words like Brahmajnana (knowledge of the ultimate reality) and Sharan (surrender) lack precise equivalents in English and Hindi. To resolve this, the translation aimed for close descriptive substitutes, preserving their philosophical and spiritual essence.
The original Gujarati poem’s rhythmic simplicity could not be perfectly mirrored in translation. Liberties were taken to keep the tone reflective and poignant, aligning with the devotional and introspective mood of the original.
The resignation and spiritual yearning in Akha’s verses were emphasized in both translations. For instance, phrases like "feet are exhausted" or "ears have worn thin" are not direct translations but capture the original's fatigue and disillusionment.
Translating Hindi Poem of Gulzar
बोलिए सुरीली बोलियां,
खट्टी मीठी आँखों की रसीली बोलियां।
रात में घोले चाँद की मिश्री,
दिन के गम नमकीन लगते हैं।
नमकीन आँखों की नशीली बोलियां,
गूंज रहे हैं डूबते साए।
शाम की खुशबू हाथ ना आए,
गूंजती आँखों की नशीली बोलियां।
Gulzar's Poem Translation into Guajarti Language
બોલો સુરીલી બોલીઓ,
ખાટી મીઠી આંખોની રસભરી બોલીઓ.
રાતે ચાંદની મીઠાશ ઘોળે છે,
દિવસના ગમ મીઠા લાગે છે.
મીઠી અને મીઠાશભરી આંખોની નશીલી બોલીઓ,
ડૂબતા સાયામાં ગુંજાય છે.
સાંજની ખુશ્બુ હાથમાં નહીં આવે,
ગુંજતી આંખોની નશીલી બોલીઓ.
Gulzar's Poem Translation into English Language
Speak melodious words,
The tangy-sweet words of luscious eyes.
In the night, the moon stirs sweetness,
The sorrows of the day feel savory.
Savory, intoxicating words of enchanting eyes,
Echo in the fading shadows.
The fragrance of the evening remains out of reach,
Resonating, intoxicating words of the eyes.
Analysis of the Translated Poem
Phrases like "चाँद की मिश्री" (the moon’s sugar) and "नशीली बोलियां" (intoxicating words) are deeply tied to Indian poetic traditions, evoking romantic and mystical imagery. Translating these required preserving their essence rather than literal meanings.
For example, "moon’s sugar" was retained metaphorically in English and Gujarati to capture its lyrical beauty.
"बोलियां" is nuanced—it means "words" or "utterances," but with an emotional and melodic undertone. While English lacks a precise equivalent, "words" was used with qualifying adjectives like "sweet" or "intoxicating." In Gujarati, "બોલીઓ" naturally carries this nuance.
The original poem has a rhythmic free verse structure, and preserving its flow in translation meant focusing on emotional tone rather than rigid metre. In English, certain phrases like "day’s sorrows taste like salt" were slightly rephrased to maintain natural expression while keeping the poem's emotional depth.
Conclusion
ChatGPT emphasizes accuracy and emotional tone while prioritizing fluency over literal adherence.Gemini offers more dynamic rephrasing but may stray further from original nuances in some cases. Both tools retain key themes, but ChatGPT typically adheres more closely to the original's cultural and poetic context.
